The New Millennium Pedagogic Manual: Teachers’ Survival Kit in the Age of Dysfunction
《新千年教學手冊：功能報廢時代的教師生存之術》
《新千年教學手冊：功能報廢時代的教師生存之術》
©在美國教學時代的孫隆基教授
A Wry Smile for a Preface
In the U.S. higher-education institution that I last served, the university authorities once spent a no mean sum on a consulting firm to find the best way to improve relationship with students, and it came up with an answer that did not worth the candle, namely, “to treat your students as clients.” The university remained none the wiser, whereas teachers came to be caught between a rock and a hard place. The university administration began to keep an eye on the so-called “retention rate” of every class, and teachers who lose one third to half of his or her class are placed in the “problematic” category.
The U.S. has the leading economy in the world, and its higher education can boast likewise. It is also known that the U.S. is the largest welfare state, and its higher education can boast likewise as well. In both economy and education, when performance sinks below a certain level but the performer is still rewarded in the same way as those who do meet the norm, then both economy and education are transmogrified into “welfare.”
To catch its full impact, it is strongly suggested that this Manual be read concomitantly with its companion volume, Classroom Vignitte.
苦笑序
我最後服務的一所美國大學當局為了尋求改善與學生的關係，曾化了不少費用在諮詢公司上頭，所獲的答案一文不值：「學校得將學生當作顧客。」校方未長一智，卻陷教師於進退維谷之境。學校開始著眼每一班上的「人數保留率」，退選率達三分之一至半數的老師被當作「有問題」。
美國的經濟領先於世界，它的高等教育也可如此自誇。然而，美國也是世上最大的福利國家，它的高等教育也可同樣自誇。在經濟與教育這兩個領域中，表現如降低至某一水平下而表現者與合乎規格者獲同等酬勞，經濟與教育兩者都將變質為「福利」。
我力主本《手冊》該與它的姐妹篇《課堂花邊小品》一起閱讀，以收震撼之效。
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“Even Marilyn Monroe cannot seduce a eunuch, because there is no organ to stimulate with.”
Wall Inscriptions at the Entrance Hall of the Marilyn Monroe Museum
"即使是瑪麗蓮夢露也無法去勾引一個太監，因爲沒有可以刺激的器官。"
〈瑪麗蓮夢露博物館入口處大廳墻上的銘文〉
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If in a classroom situation you feel like talking to a group of people who know nothing about the universe you are in, the best way to dispel the sense of absurdity is to resort to a make-belief: That by crossing the threshold of that classroom you have stepped into an alternate universe, where everything familiar to you are unknown to them, and you are challenged to improvise ways of communicating with denizens of a strange world not based on your notion of common sense. Have a joy ride with Buckaroo Banzai in the 8th Dimension!
如果在一個課堂場景裏，你感到是在對一群對你所處的宇宙一無所知的人談話，消除荒謬感的最佳良方莫如佯信：在跨越過教室的門檻時，你踏入了一個另類宇宙，在那裏你熟悉之事物對他們來説是一無所知，而你面臨的挑戰則是如何和一個奇異世界裏不具你所謂的常識之居民通話。隨着“卜卡路萬歲”在第八度空間兜風吧！
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In order to keep the retention rate high, it is advisable for the teacher to switch from the anal-sadistic mode to the anal-retentive mode in your dealing with the class.
The former is to forcibly eject from your system what you consider as toxic waste. To switch to the retentive mode is to redefine the substance as non-toxic and hold it in.
The switch might do damage to your system, but every profession has its hazard, and yours is far better than the fire-fighter's and the peace officer's. Lately people even say that the professions of wife and mother are hazardous to health. It is the common lot of all of us, so don't complain.
要維持高的班上人數保留率，本手冊建議老師們對待班上的態度該從肛門虐待型模態扭轉到肛門保留型模態。
前者是從你的體系内用力排出你認爲是毒素的物體。轉向保留型則是把這些物體重新定義為非毒素，把它們併住。
這個扭轉可能對你的體系造成損害，但每一種職業都有它的危險性，而你的教師職業已經比消防人員和警察的職業好得多了。近來甚至有人說妻母之職對女人的健康有害。這既然是我們的共同命運，就不要訴苦。
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If in a pedagogic situation where the meeting of minds does not occur, then Pavlovian behavioral conditioning must take its place in order to have any effect at all.
在一個出現不了心靈接觸的教學情況裏，必須代之以巴甫洛夫式的行爲制約，方才會見效。
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If a body, due to biochemical dysfunctions, can no longer handle three big meals a day, then that body must be put on a diabetic diet—by switching to a multitude of small snacks.
Likewise, if in a class where the attendants cannot handle two to three major exams due to a deficit of intellectual “supplements,” then the so-called “regular exams” should be broken down into a multitude of small quizzes instead.
如果一個身體因爲生化功能失調而不能一天吃三頓正餐，該身體就必須遵從糖尿病人的飲食法：少量多餐。
同樣道理，如果在一個班上，上課的人由於知識“補品”短缺，無從應付二至三次大型考試，那末就必須將所謂“正規考試”化整爲零，變成一連串的小型測驗。
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The “Intensive Care” Approach: Recent surveys have shown that the “spoon feed” approach of the late 20th century is no longer up to the task for our time. The new way consists of the following:
- Reduce the study load to one textbook only.
- Pick the most “dumb-down” version of its kind in the textbook market.
- Schedule your lectures in the same order of the chapter sequence in the one and only text.
- Turn your lectures into summaries of those chapters.
- Abolish major exams, instead give the class a number of quizzes based on those summaries.
- Each summary is an essay written for the students, to spare them writing essays on their own.
- All they have to do is to fill in blanks on the quiz, with a “word bank” provided on the quiz sheet in a non-sequential manner.
- In your lecture, present those terms in the same order as the blank spaces to be filled in on the quiz sheet.
- Announce to the class in your lecture which sentence you have last uttered will be the ending line of the following quiz.
- Set an easy passing level for the quiz, say, 7 out of 12. Also, the number of quizzes should far exceed the amount required to attain full marks, so as to leave a large margin to accommodate failures and non-attendances.
- In case you do give a Final, take precaution not to violate the “human rights” of students by requiring them to read the whole one-and-only textbook. Limit the tested areas to no more than 2 and tell the class in advance.
- Remind them also that the graded quiz sheets have already provided ready-made answers to the given areas or questions.
- For those who have missed the quizzes or tossed them, simply tell them the exact pages and range in the textbook to copy from.
- If Step Thirteen fails to work, pass them anyway.
Whether one should follow all 14 steps depends on the degree of wimpiness of the instructor or the department leadership.
“加強護理”的教學門徑：近期的調查已經證實二十世紀末的“用湯匙餵食”的門路已不能勝任現時代的需求。新的方法由下列步驟組成：
1． 將學習的份量降爲一本教科書。
2． 從教科書市場上挑選“水準降得最低”的那種。
3． 你的講課次序必須和唯一的那本教科書的章節次序吻合。
4． 把你的講義變成這些章節的摘要。
5． 廢除大型的考試，改用一連串以上述那類摘要為本的小型測驗。
6． 每一份摘要都是代替學生寫作的文章，免得他們自己寫文章。
7． 它們只需要在文章的空白處填充，作爲答案的名詞都在同一頁紙底部處的詞彙庫裏，只是不按次序排列。
8． 在你授課的時候，把那些填充的名詞按照它們將會在測驗中出現的次序排列給學生聼。
9． 在授課時，向班上宣佈你說的哪一句話將會是測驗中的文章裏最後一行。
10． 設立一個很容易過關的水平，例如，十二個填充裏對了七個便行。此外，小型測驗的數量必須遠遠超出能讓學生得滿分的數量，以便多次不及格的人能追上去，也爲曠課的人留下迂緩空間。
11． 萬一你也舉行大考的話，謹慎提防不得要求學生把唯一的那本教科書部全部讀遍，那樣做違反他們的“人權”。考試的範圍不得超過二處，並且事先通知全班。
12． 提醒他們那些老師改過並發還的小型測驗已經是現成的答案，而考試範圍也已經事先給了他們。
13． 對那些曠了課沒有參加小型測驗的人，或者把發還的測驗卷抛棄了人，簡單地告訴他們答案該是從書本中哪一頁確切地抄到哪一頁。
14． 如果到了第十三步仍然不及格的人，索性讓他們通過算了。
十四步你不一定需要全部走完。該走到哪一步視教師或系領導“窩囊廢”至何般田地為準。
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The elimination of the so-called “regular exams” and replacing them with the system of one small quiz per class-meeting also has the additional benefit of reducing the fatality rates of the class-attendants’ family members, who tend to expire around the exam periods. In this way, you can fulfil both your teaching duty and humanitarian yearnings by way of saving the lives of quite a number of grandmothers.
廢除所謂“正規考試”並代之以每一堂課舉行小型測驗的體制還有另外一個好處：降低來上課者家庭成員的死亡率，因爲這些成員有在考試期間消逝的傾向。如此一來，你一方面得以完成教學任務，同時又能滿足你的人道主義渴求，救了不少祖母或外婆的性命。
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The “one lecture, one quiz” approach, by eliminating the midterm or even the Final in the freshmen courses, allows the teacher to avoid reading the students’ essays and instead to write the essays on their behalf.
This method is highly recommended for those teachers who have cardiac conditions or whose bodily chemicals prone them toward depression.
“講授一節課，給一次小型測驗”的方法，在大一課程裏把期中考甚至期末考都取消了，讓老師不用閲讀學生的作文，而是替他們寫作文。
本手冊特別對具心臟病或體内化學易導向憂鬱症的教師大力推薦這個方法。
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When the majority taking part in an exam write gibberish and their atrocious essays induce depression, it is advisable to write out the essays for them and recast the class requirements in other forms. That is the rationale behind my “filling in blanks” approach.
However, it is well-nigh impossible to avoid essay-writing at the college level. The university’s Gen-Ed guidelines as a rule make the writing of certain number of words mandatory per semester. In this case, my quiz sheets become models for students to emulate in answering essay questions in the regular exams. Frankly speaking, they are ready-made answers to the exam questions.
This setup not only enables the students to know the teacher’s expectation, it is in fact a remedial measure: In theory, people should have had a modicum of common knowledge and the minimal ability to organize their knowledge and thoughts and how to present them before they come to take a humanities course. That is usually not the case nowadays. If to advance the students’ learning is like constructing a house, then the analogy applies further: you need to make bricks for them first.
在一個考試裏，如果大部份人胡言亂語而他們慘不忍睹的作文又會導致閲卷者患憂鬱症的話，那末，還是替他們寫文章，班上的作業另採其他方式。這是我的“填充”測驗的理論基礎。
但是，在大專這個層次寫作是避免不了的。大學通識教育指導方針一般會連每學期寫作的字數都有規定。在這種情形下，我給的測驗就變成楷模，讓學生在正規考試中回答問答題時模仿。説穿了，它們是問答題的現成答案。
這個體制不止讓學生知曉老師的期待，它也是一個補救措施。理論上，來修人文課程的人事先該有起碼的學識、組織和表達學識和思想的最起碼的能力。但今日的情形往往並非如此。把增進學生的學識比喻作蓋房子的話，就不妨把這個比喻稍作延伸：他們連磚塊都沒有，你必須替他們製造。
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With the “one lecture, one quiz” method, you achieve at a single stroke all the following:
(1) to quiz the students on all the material covered in the course, not handing out isolated study questions and 15 disjointed terms for them to study, like some teachers do, on the eve of the exams (and calling it “education.”)
(2) to find out how well have the students been following your lectures.
(3) to keep yourself fully aware of the students’ progress on a constant basis and to intervene in a timely manner to help individuals who have problems.
(4) to make possible nearly full class attendance without resorting to roll-call.
(5) to condition the students to go through the material thrice: to take notes for the quiz, to go over them before the quiz, and to review the errors on the corrected quiz sheet when it is handed back to them.
(6) to make plagiarism well-nigh impossible.
憑“講授一節課，給一次小型測驗”的方法，你會一舉六得：
（1） 對課程涵蓋的所有材料都測驗到，而不是像某些老師那般，在考試前夕分發孤立的複習題和15則彼此無關連的名詞，讓學生應付考試（還美其名為“教育”）。
（2） 探知學生聽你的課聽懂了多少。
（3） 對學生的進度保持恆常的警覺，以便對有問題的學生及時地作出輔導。
（4） 無須靠點名制度就能達到幾乎全班上課的目標。
（5） 條件制約學生把教材看三遍：為了應付測驗必須抄筆記、在測驗之前把筆記看一遍、在批改的試卷發還後，再去看一遍錯在哪裡。
（6） 簡直把抄襲變得不可能。
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As I have stated, my pedagogic method operates on the principle of behavioural conditioning, not the meeting of minds (there is nothing to meet), and it works much better. For instance, the system of giving a small quiz at the first few minutes of every class meeting works wonders to class attendance. Since there is no make-up for this sort of quiz, most of the students no only show up regularly, but show up on time.
Once I peeped into the classroom next door, where our graduate coordinator was teaching the same Gen-Ed course at the same hours, there were only 7 students present and one dozing off. In sharp contrast, my class had an attendance of 24, out of a total of 28.
如前所述，我的教學法運用行爲制約的原理，而不是觸及學生的心靈（本來無一物，去觸及甚麼？），而效果卻奇佳。例如，在每一節課之首給予小型測驗的制度對出席率來説具製造奇跡的作用。這類小型測驗是沒有補考的，因此大部份學生不止出席，而且很少遲到。
有一次，我朝隔壁的教室張望了一下，在那裏我們的研究生主任在同一個鐘點教授同一門通識課程，他只有七個學生出席，其中一個還在打瞌睡。我的那一堂則有二十四人，而全班人數是二十八人。
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The system of “one lecture, one quiz” not only works wonders to class attendance, renders the roll call system obsolete, it also saves efforts in other matters.
Some teachers have the habit of checking students’ notebooks on a regular basis to see if they have absorbed the lectures. What a burdensome undertaking！In my system, you can tell from the quizzes if your lectures are getting through to them on a per unit basis.
The Registrar might also require all teachers to turn in the roll calls for every class they teach at the inception of the semester, to make sure their lists match with the registrations. Many teachers tend to ignore this request or simply forget about it. In my system, all they have to do is to count the names of those who have taken the first quiz.
“講一節課，給一次小型測驗”的制度不止在出席率上頭創造奇跡和令點名制度作廢，它在其他方面也產生省時省力的效果。
有些老師有檢查學生筆記本的習慣，看他們對講課是否有吸收。這哪能檢查得完！本手冊推薦的體制讓老師從每一次小型測驗中看出學生是否吸收了每一個單元的講課。
教務處註冊股也會要求全部老師在學期之始把每一節課的點名錄上繳，以便和註冊的實際人數核對。許多老師索性不予理會或者是把它忘了。在我的體制底下，他們只需列出參加小型測驗的人名便得。
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With the policy of giving a small quiz at the first few minutes of every class meeting, you render obsolete the roll call system. The department leadership might defend the students’ right to be absent, to the effect that enforcing attendance policy is in violation of the students’ “freedom of movement.” The students might perfunctorily respond to your roll call, then stroll out of the classroom from right under your nose, or be physically present but engaging in conversation with neighbors, disturbing the class.
If you give a quiz at the first 5-10 minutes of every class meeting and hand back the graded quiz sheet at the last 3 minutes of the next class meeting, you keep the students for the duration of the class. Understandably, some might still manage to walk out in between or chatting with neighbors, but then it would be more difficult for them to prepare for the next quiz, as the content of the quizzes are largely based on your lectures.
執行了每堂課開頭幾分鐘給一個小型測驗的政策，就可以廢棄點名制度了。系的領導會保衛學生曠課的自由，甚至說強制執行出席的政策妨礙學生的“行動自由”，云云。學生也會敷衍點名制度，點過名了後，就在你眼前踱方步走出教室，或者，人不得不在現場，但卻和鄰座的人交談, 對上課的進行產生干擾。
如果你在每堂課之始五至十分鐘給一次小型測驗，然後把批改過的測驗卷子在下一堂的最後三分鐘發還給學生，他們會在整堂課的時間内被留住。可以想象，仍會有人中間溜出去，或者和鄰座的人聊天，但這樣他們準備下一次的測驗就有困難，因爲測驗的内容大致上是根據老師的授課。
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In every semester, I give 24-26 quizzes, which make up 60-70% of the total grade, the remainder is apportioned between the traditional exams and/or term papers.
In the latter categories, you either get 10-20 minutes’ worth of writing out of an hour-and-half exam, or plagiarized passages put together at home. In my “one lecture, one quiz” format, the teacher writes out the whole essay for the students, who then pick the right terms from a word bank to fill in the blanks on the quiz sheet. In this manner, the student would have to go through the material thrice: to take notes for the quiz, to go over them before the quiz, and to review the errors on the corrected quiz sheet when it is handed back to them。Thus, the subject matter is ingrained in the mind.
My approach also uses the quizzes to cover the subject matters of the entire semester, not like most of my colleagues, who give out 3-4 study questions on the eve of the traditional exams, so that students only need to show up 4-6 times in the whole semester. The semester, construed in such manner, is reduced to the academic efforts of a few days if not a few hours.
每一個學期我給學生二十四至二十六次小型測驗，佔總分百份之六十至七十。剩下的百份比則分配在傳統式的考試和/或寫報告之間。
在後一類範疇裏，你不是在一堂一個半小時的考試中得到只值十至二十分鐘的寫作，便是他們在家中抄襲的段落。在我的“講授一節課，給一次小型測驗”的形式裏，老師替學生把整篇文章寫出，學生只需在一紙測驗上的空白處填充，而答案則從同一頁紙上的詞庫裏面選。這種形式令學生複習同一批材料三遍：首先是爲了準備測驗而記筆記，然後在測驗之前翻閲筆記，最後是在批改過的卷子上審視錯在哪裏。這樣，學到的東西就深植于腦中。
我的方法也涵蓋了整個學期講授的内容，不像某些同事舉行傳統式考試卻在考試前夕先發下三至四道複習題，於是整個學期學生只需出席四至六次。如此這般的“學期”，也不過只是幾天甚至是幾個小時的事罷了。
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The “one lecture, one quiz” method has been accused by some people as teaching the test, not teaching the subject. The two are not mutually exclusive, however.
If the majority of the students and the school administrators are interested in “teaching the subject,” then do it with gusto. Otherwise, it is not happening anyway regardless of the teacher’s subjective wish.
In that case, the appeal to a baser motive, e.g., passing-for-passing’s sake, might result,as a by-product, in some members of the class learning the subject. It is no exaggeration to say: teaching the test is the way of the future.
有人不以“講授一節課，給一次測驗測驗”的方法為然，指責那是在教測驗，而非教授學科。這兩者其實並非互相排斥。
如果大部份學生和學校當局都對“教授學科”感興趣，那末你就該興致勃勃地去從事這項活動。否則的話，不論教師的主觀意願爲何，這種事就是發生不了。
既然如此，不妨訴諸一個較卑下的動機：一切都是為了及格而已，並無他意。但在教授測驗的過程中或會產生副作用，令班上少數幾人真正學到了東西。因此，毫不誇張，教授測驗乃明日之方。
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My colleagues makes things very convenient for the students and themselves, as they perpetuate the conventional exams but also the “standard” practice of reducing the test-areas to 3-4 study questions and then give them out to the class on the eve of the exams. In a 13-week semester, students only need to devote a few days if not hours on the subject and to show up only a few times. As for the teacher, he could go home at 2pm to mow his lawn.
In their approach, the students learn very little, perhaps absorbing no more than 5 terms in the whole semester. In my “one lecture, one quiz” approach, students need to handle 12 terms per quiz.
Understandably, under my system, those terms are not presented in their own writing. Yet, under the conventional system, even when the exam questions are already known, the students’ answers consist of hollow generalizations and gibberish anyway, and worthy of 10-20 minutes’ writing.
我的同事們一方面仍沿用老式考試，同時採取在考試前夕把三至四則復習題先發給班上的“標准”措施，他們對學生和對自己都大開方便之門。在一個學期十三周中，學生只需化幾天甚至幾個小時的功夫在課題上，也只需來上幾次課便得。至於老師，下午兩點鐘就可以回家割草了。
用他們的方法，學生學不到甚麼，可能整個學期頂多吸收了五個名詞。在我的“講授一次課，給一次小型測驗”的體制裏，學生在每一次測驗裏都需處理十二個名詞。
誠然，在我的體制中，這些名詞並非表達在學生自身的寫作中。但在傳統制度下，縱然他們已經預知了試題，學生的答案歸根到底仍然是空洞的概括和胡言亂語，並且只化了十至二十分鐘左右。
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Teachers who cannot get over the 19th-century format of giving regular exams based on essay questions need to be reminded of a simple yet brutal fact: In those exams, they would get—with the exception of perhaps 2-4 serious students—at most 10 -12 minutes’ worth of writing from each student. The “10-12 minutes’ worth” refers not to the time the grader takes to read through them, but the standard span required to compose answers that are devoid of content—the time it takes, so to speak, to spill some ink on white paper. If it is not the intention of the teachers to teach a course only to 2-4 real students, they should consider my “one lecture, one quiz” format. Such a format would require each student to spend 5-10 minutes each session on writing—and they have to write out something substantial.
對那些不能超脫十九世紀式在正規考試中給作文題的老師們，必須提醒他們一個單純而殘酷的事實：在那種考試中，除了二至四個像樣的學生外，他們頂多從每個學生處得到只值十至二十分鐘的寫作。這個“值十至二十分鐘”不是指閲卷者必須花的時間，而是寫出無内容的答案——其實是在白紙上留下一些墨水——所需的標準時間。如果這些老師們不是只意圖對二至四個真正的學生施教的話，他們該考慮我的“講授一節課，給一次小型測驗”的方法。這個形式要求每一個學生在每一堂課裏必需化五至十分鐘寫作——他們也必須言之有物。
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Page 18a
Although some colleagues think that it is unbecoming for a college-level quiz to be based on “filling in blanks,” they have nonetheless resorted to multiple choices as a supplement to essay questions in the exams.
My filling in blankets format has actually incorporated multiple choices. Even better, it embeds “multiple choices” within the overall picture of an essay, rather than presenting them in a disconnected manner. Instead of asking the students to perform mechanical matching of terms, they are required to grasp the meaning of the whole essay.
Take my Quiz 23 for “World Civilizations, I” as a sample. The terms “Augustinian” “Benedictine” “Arian” form a set of multiple choices. “Saxon” and “Anglo-Saxon” as ethnic adjectives consist of a pair of alternatives. “St. Patrick” and “St. Boniface” are yet another pair. Furthermore, “Franks,” “Lombards,” “Avars,” and “Saracens” form an ensemble of choices, as they fall within the same “nation” category.
雖然某些同事認爲大學程度的測驗用填充法有點不像樣，但他們出的考試題中卻越來越多地依靠多項選擇來補充文章的寫作。
我的填充法其實包含了多項選擇。更勝一籌的是：它把多項選擇嵌入一篇文章的整體圖像中，而不是用互不聯屬的形式呈現給學生。它不是讓學生機械地在名詞之間尋找匹配，而是要求他們掌握文章的通篇意義。
拿我的“世界文明史上部”第23號測驗作為樣本。在其中，“奧古斯丁派”“本尼迪克派”和“阿理安派”構成一組多項選擇。“薩克遜”和“盎格魯薩克遜”作爲民族形容詞構成一對選項。“聖柏德烈”和“聖波尼法削”又是一對。此外，“法蘭克人”、“倫巴德人”、“阿瓦人”和“大食人”則形成一個選擇項群組，因爲它們都落入“民族”範疇。
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Page 18b Sample for illustration
HIST 1110-Quiz 23 Name _______________________
Attention: [1] The passing level is 8 out of 12; [2] you only retain the point gained if you are present when the quiz is handed back in class.
After the fall of the western Roman empire, the imperial structure with its regional dioceses was only preserved by the Latin Church. The west, however, was swarmed with Germanic tribes who followed the ___________ creed. Fortunately, King Clovis of the Merovingian ______________ converted to the Roman faith in 496. The British Isles, thanks to _________________, also adopted the Roman creed and British monks began to evangelize the continent. A turning point came when Pope Gregory I (590-604) promoted the ___________________ vision of the church’s supremacy over the state, and insisted on the Latin rite to the exclusion of the Greek. He used the ________________ monks to bring pagan Europe into the Roman fold and absorbed the British Church into the Roman bureaucracy. In 732, the Carolingian Frank, Charles Martel, stopped the Muslims at Tours, and his house became the defenders of the Popes against the Arian ______________. By the late 8th century, his grandson Charlemagne had unified most of western Europe, defended it against the __________ in the east and the Muslims in the south. He used military campaigns to convert the Saxons and build the German Church on the foundation left by _______________. Pope Leo III crowned him the “Roman emperor” in 800. The Carolingian unity did not survive Charlemagne’s son, who died in 840. Afterward, the Frankish realm was divided into three parts. In the 9th-10th centuries, Europe was subjected to invasions by the pagan Vikings and Magyars, as well as the Islamic _________________. The Viking raids provoked a successful response from the ________________ king Alfred the Great, who laid the foundation for “England.” In eastern Frankland, the Magyar menace prompted the dukes to desert the Carolingians and elect the ______________ kings as their new leaders, of whom Otto the Great managed to become the “Roman emperor” in 962, but actually laying the foundation for “Germany.” In western Frankland, the crown went to Hugh Capet, count of _______________, in 987, giving birth to the Kingdom of France.
Answers: Lombards, Saxon, Anglo-Saxon, Augustinian, Benedictine, St. Patrick, Arian, St. Boniface, Paris, Saracens, Franks, Avars.
歷史 1110 第23號測驗 姓名 __________________
注意事項 [1] 及格的標準是12個裏面答對8個; [2] 你在發還考卷的時候必須在場才能保留所得分:
羅馬帝國覆亡後，帝國的結構及其地區的行省制只保留在拉丁教會裏。然而，在西部地區，遵奉_________________信仰的日耳曼部落蜂擁而至。慶幸的是：墨羅溫________________的國王克羅維斯在496年改奉了羅馬信仰。由於_______________的努力，不列顛島嶼亦採用了羅馬信仰，並開始對大陸傳教。一個轉折點的來臨是教皇格列哥利一世（590-604）對________________的教會高於國家之視野的推廣，他還堅持專用拉丁聖儀而完全排斥希臘聖儀。他用_________________修士把異教徒的歐洲引導入羅馬教會的行列中，並且把英國教會納入羅馬教會的官僚體制内。在732年，卡洛林法蘭克人的鐵錘查理在都爾地方阻擋了回教徒入侵，他的家族也成爲教皇的保護人，與屬於阿禮安信仰的_______________爲敵。至八世紀之末，他的孫子查理曼已經統一了西歐的大部份，在東邊的防綫上對抗___________________，在南方的防綫上則對抗回教徒。他用軍事征討的方式迫使異教徒的薩克遜人改奉羅馬信仰，並在_____________________留下的基礎上建立了德國教會。教皇李奧三世在800年把他加冕爲“羅馬皇帝”。但加洛林的大一統只維持到查理曼兒子的去世爲止，亦即是840年。此後，法蘭克王國分裂為三個部份。在九至十世紀，歐洲受到異教徒的維京人、馬扎爾亞人以及回教的________________的入侵。維京人的襲擊觸發了__________________國王大阿爾佛列德的成功回應，他因此奠定了“英國”的基礎。在東部法蘭克地方，馬扎爾亞人的威脅促使王公們放棄了對卡洛林王朝的支持，並改選___________________的國王做他們的新領袖。其中的奧圖大帝在962年成爲“羅馬皇帝”，但實質上是替“德國”奠下基礎。在西部法蘭克地方，王冠在987年落在_________________伯爵休卡佩的頭上，導致了法蘭西王國的誕生。
答案：倫巴德人，薩克遜，盎格魯薩克遜，奧古斯丁派，本尼迪克派，聖柏德烈，阿禮安派，聖波尼法削，巴黎，大食人，法蘭克人，阿瓦人。
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Page 19
Each quiz in the “one lecture, one quiz” system amounts to a questionnaire in a survey of the nation’s youth, their IQ, knowledge, horizon; aptitude, in short, it is a glimpse into their inner world.
If a student places “Confucius” in a blank that belongs to an archaeological site, or “Allah” in the space meant for the ruling elite of the city of Mecca, or treats “Socrates” as the name of a battle, then you know he or she has no idea about “human civilization.”
If a student picked “Afghanistan” from the word bank to fill in the name of an African coast at the time when his or her country was attacking Afghanistan, it shows that he or she was indifferent to current affairs.
If students fill the term “Alexandria” in a blank meant for the name of a Han Dynasty Chinese, or the American consul Townsend Harris in the place where it should have been the Japanese Emperor “Meiji,” it is a sign that they are clueless about a non-Western name.
If a glaring mistake recurs in what you regard as a “give-away” answer, namely, the name of the Roman emperor under whom Christ was born (Augustus), then you should become aware that even in the so-called Bible Belt you can’t take for granted that local Christians are conversant with their “holy scriptures.” Religious faith is more likely the synonym of illiteracy.
“講授一次課，給一次小型測驗”體制下的每一個測驗都是對一個國家的青少年的問卷調查，測驗他們的智商、學識、視野、才能；簡言之，是對他們内心世界的一瞥。
如果有學生把“孔子”填在一個考古遺址上，把“阿拉”當作麥加城的統治階層，把“蘇格拉底”當作一場戰役的名稱，你就知道他（她）對“人類文明”一無所知。
如果當他（她）的政府正在對阿富汗用兵之時，他或她卻把“阿富汗”填到了非洲的海岸上去，它顯示該生對時事漠不關心。
如果一個空檔是應該填入一個漢朝中國人的名字，有人卻把它填成“亞歷山大里亞”，或者，在“日本天皇”後留下的空檔中該填上“明治”的地方，卻填入美國公使唐森·哈理斯，表示他們對非西方名字是什麼模樣毫無概念。
如果在一個“送分題”中——例如，耶穌在哪個羅馬皇帝底下誕生（該是“奧古斯都”）——每次都有人錯得離譜，你就知道即使在所謂聖經地帶你也不應想當然耳以爲該地的基督徒知曉他們的“聖經”。説不定，宗教信仰是文盲的同義詞。
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Page 20
Not all of this kind of quizzes is about basic facts. Even those filling-in-blanks designed for freshmen courses include common words and the test is more about understanding the context.
For example, in one quiz there is a passage: “The development of human culture accelerated as it arrived at the New Stone, or Neolithic, Age around 10,000 years ago. On this basis, a series of inventions prepared the way to the rise of civilization, namely, pottery, the __________, the domestication of animals and vegetation (i.e., agriculture).” A few lines later, there is another passage: “Around 3,000 BCE, the invention of writing made possible the beginning of human history with written records and the invention of ______________ at around the same time concluded the Stone Age and ushered in the Bronze Age.”
Since the word bank at the bottom of the quiz sheet contains only two terms pertaining to inventions: wheel and metallurgy, and the second passage indicates with the phrase “…ushered in the Bronze Age,” the only possible choice is “metallurgy.” That leaves “wheel” to be filled into the former blank pure and simple.
Yet, every time I give the quiz, I have people reversing the answers. Either they ignore the context or do not understand the term “metallurgy.” It is also likely that some do not comprehend the sentence at all.
這類小型測驗並非全部是有關基本事實，即使為大一課程設計的填充也包含普通的名詞，考驗學生的毋寧是有否明瞭上下文。
例如，一個測驗裏有一段：“到了一萬年前的新石器時代，人類文化發展的速度加快了。在此基礎上，一連串的發明為文明之興起鋪路，例如，陶器、_____、動物和植物的馴化（後者指農業）。” 過了幾行，又有另一段：“在公元前三千年左右，文字的發明使人能書寫記錄，人類歷史的開始成爲可能，同時，_____的發明終結了石器時代，引入青銅時代。”
在測驗卷底部的字庫裏只有“輪子”和“冶金技術”兩詞是與發明有關，而後一段裏又有“…引入青銅時代”一語予以提示，因此只能填入“冶金技術”，剩下的“輪子”就只能填入前段的空檔裏。事情該多麼簡單。
但是，每次縂有人把兩者顛倒。他們不是不理會上下文，就是不懂得“冶金技術”這個詞。有人甚至可能不理解整個句子。
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Page 21a
Understandably, the quizzes for freshmen courses are mainly about basic facts, for the class attendants have hardly any. To ask them to write analytical essays based on nada, you will be getting gibberish. It is tantamount to constructing the third floor of a building without laying the foundation.
I also apply the “one lecture, one quiz” format to my upper-division courses, but knock the quiz portion down to 20% of the grade. The purpose is to encourage class attendance and to provide essay models for students to emulate in their regular exams.
Understandably, the quizzes designed for upper-division classes are based less on parroting the lectures than heightening the factor of comprehension. In quiz 6 (presented below) in my “Intellectual History of East Asia,” the word bank only contains two proper nouns, wei and wu, the rest are common terms. Yet, it requires the student to do some thinking. The terms “intelligence” and “human intelligence” are almost identical. The correct choice depends on a grasp of the subtlety of context. In the text, “deception” and “crisis management” seem to be interchangeable. But, once a student has the notion of espionage in place, it is followed by that of “deception.” Then, “crisis management” will also fall in its place, especially when the battlefield as a constantly mutating situation requiring instant response is alluded to by the fluidity of the watery imagery.
可以理解：大一課程裏的小型測驗主要是考基本史實，因爲來上課的人完全缺乏。要求他們根據“空無一物”來寫作文章，你得到的會是胡言亂語。這好比蓋房子連地基都沒有就想蓋第三層。
我對高年級的課程也應用“講授一節課，給一次小型測驗”的方式，但將小型測驗在總分中的的比例降為百份之二十，目的只是爲了鼓勵學生出席，並且為他們在正規考試裏作文提供楷模。
可以理解：為高班設計的小型測驗較少讓學生對老師的講義進行鸚鵡學舌，而多着眼提高他們的理解力。在我的“東亞思想史”第六號測驗（陳列于下）裏，字庫中只有兩個專有名詞：魏國的“魏”和吳國的“吳”，其他都是一般名詞。然而，學生必須動腦筋。在英文裏，“情報”和“人類的智能”兩詞幾乎是相同的。因此，正確的選擇有賴掌握上下文的微妙含義。文中“兵不厭詐”和“危機處理”兩個詞句似乎可以互換。不過，一旦當學生知曉把用間的概念填入正確的地方，接下來的該就是“兵不厭詐”。“危機處理”該填在哪裏也變得順理成章，尤其上下文用水的流動意象暗示戰場是一個瞬息萬變但又得即時作出反應的場景。
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Page 21b Sample for Illustration
HIST 4295/6295 Quiz 6 Name _______________________
Attention: (1) The passing level is 7 out of 12; (2) you only retain the points if you are present when the quiz is handed back in class.
The Zhou-Qin transition was a period of constant warfare, which became a subject of study. Its foremost thinker was Sunzi, author of The Art of War. He was either Sun Wu, a strategist who helped the state of ________ to achieve hegemony in the late Spring and Autumn period, or Sun Bin, who enabled Qi to end the hegemony of ________ in the early Warring States. An archaeological finding in 1972 ascertained that the work belonged to the former, making it the earliest private work in China. It teaches that the sole motivation to engage in war is the consideration to win and nothing else. To achieve that end, one must not rely on emotional or supernatural factors, but ___________________________ alone, hence the vitality of knowing self and enemy. Sunzi was the earliest advocate of espionage: to collect ____________________ and to sow confusion. War is above all about __________________. Sunzi’s approach to a battlefield is ____________, by reckoning the season, the weather, the terrain, as well as morale and organization. The best way to victory, however, is to beat one’s enemy without fighting, hence the premium it places on _____________________. Sunzi’s work shows an early application of the notions of Yin-Yang and the _______________________ (wu xing). It largely thinks in binarist terms, namely, ____________________________, victory and defeat, advance and retreat, defence and offence, movement and stillness, absence and presence. The Elements also serve as metaphors: Sunzi simulates the battlefield to water, which has no constant shape, implying that those engaged in it are in a state of perpetual _______________________________. Yin-Yang and wu xing initially belonged to two separate systems of cosmology. We saw the former received further development in Laozi, who argued that dao worked in “___________________________.” This observation urged Laozi to emphasize the supremacy of Yin over Yang. Toward the end of the Warring States, the Confucian “appendices” to the Book of Change exalted the masculine principle of Yang, by admonishing the superior men to ceaselessly endeavour in ________________________________.
Answers: holistic, Wei, psychological warfare, reversion, self-strengthening, crisis management, human intelligence, Wu, Five Elements, deception, intelligence, self and enemy.
歷史 4295/6295 第23號測驗 姓名 __________________
注意事項 [1] 及格的標準是12個裏面答對7個; [2] 你在發還考卷的時候必須在場才能保留所得分。
周秦之際是戰爭頻盈的時代，因此戰爭成爲一個研究對象。這方面最傑出的思想家是孫子，他是《孫子兵法》的作者。他可能是孫武，一位在春秋末期幫助_____國奪得霸權的謀略家，也可能是在戰國初期幫助齊國把_____國的霸權終結掉的孫臏。1972年的一次考古學發現證實前者才是該部著作的作者，使它成爲中國最早的私人著作。書中教導：投入戰爭不爲什麼，唯一的動機是爲了打勝仗。爲了達到這個目的，我們不能訴諸情緒的或者超自然的因素，只有依靠_____________， 因此知己知彼至爲重要。孫子是提倡用間諜收集_______和擾亂敵人的第一人。戰爭歸根到底是_____________。孫子對待戰爭的態度是_____________，把天時、地利、人和（士氣和組織）都一起盤算。但最佳的取勝之道是不戰而屈人之兵，因此它極端重視___________。孫子的著作裏顯示出陰陽________的概念很早就被運用了。它採取的是雙元式的思考方式，例如，______、勝負、進退、攻守、動靜、虛實。五行裏的元素則被當作比喻。孫子把戰場比作水而“水無常勢”，涵示身在戰爭中的人恆常地處於_____________中。陰陽和五行原本是互不相屬的兩套宇宙論。前者在老子的著作中獲得進一步的發展，他說“_____道之動”。這個觀察令老子強調陰勝於陽（注解：這裡指以靜制動、以柔克剛、以弱勝強）。至戰國末期，儒家為《易經》寫的〈易傳〉則崇尚陽剛原理，勉勵君子必須________不息。
答案：全體論的、魏、心理戰、反者、自強、危機處理、人類的智能、吳、五行、兵不厭詐、情報、敵我。
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Page 22
My “one lecture, one quiz” approach lives up to the “client-friendly” expectations of our times. Instead of getting lost in the labyrinth of six weeks’ material, the students are only required to handle the material of a single lecture at a time. The subject matter disposed off in this manner will never return to haunt them in the midterm and Final.
The teacher also makes them believe that the exams are easy: They are short, the whole essay is already written out by the teacher, all the students need to do is to fill in the blanks with answers already provided. You, as a master illusionist, have also managed to convince the students that they are in control: They may take as many or as few of those quizzes as they choose and are entitled to “customize” their own grades, so to speak.
In fact, they end up doing more writing and when they flunk, they can’t raise the angry accusation of “I don’t know what you expect of us; I have studied the wrong questions.” Since you have adopted a “pointillist” approach in grading, when you flunk a student, it is also easier to defend yourself in the face of the “customer service counter” of your institute, e.g., the pusillanimous department leadership.
我的“講授一節課，給一次小型測驗”迎合當代“對顧客友善”的期待。學生不至於迷失在六個星期的材料之迷宮裏，他們每次只需處理一節課的材料。處理掉的課題不會再在期中考和期末考裏冤魂不散。
老師也使他們相信考試容易：它們簡短、整篇文章已由老師代寫，學生只需填充便得，而答案也預先提供。作爲一個幻象大師，你也製造了假象，讓學生以爲控制權在他們一方：想參予多少次小型測驗悉隨君便，說每一個人的分數由自己“訂製”的也不爲過。
事實上，他們寫的字數歸根到底是變多了，如果不及格，也無法指控“我不知道你期待我們的是什麼，我復習了錯誤的題目”。既然老師採用了分數逐點累積的“點畫派”計分法，把一個學生當掉，也較易在學校的“顧客服務部”——亦即是怯懦的系領導——面前捍衛自己。
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Gone is the time when the teacher holds the class responsible in the Final for every reading assignment at home and everything the teacher has said in the class. In today’s higher educational institutes, even if you split the subject matter into two halves and test the class on six-weeks’ worth of material in the midterm and the remaining half in the Final, it has become “too demanding.”
The students will lose in the labyrinth of six weeks’ material, and write hollow generalizations in the exams if not outright gibberish. In today’s “client-friendly” atmosphere, the standard practice is to reduce the test-areas to 2-4 study questions, which are then given out to the class on the eve of the exams, so that they have something “concrete” to work on.
In this case, students only have to show up a few times in the whole semester and still manage to earn high grades. It is grossly unfair to a few who are conscientious enough to attend classes regularly. If the teacher is also a bit conscientious, he will feel that he is wasting his life.
An obstinate old-timer in our institute persists in the “unfriendly” ways of the bygone days by holding students responsible for everything he has covered in class. He has students scribbling “I don’t know what you expect of us; I have studied the wrong questions” in the blue books and angrily walking out from the exams. His student evaluations are among the poorest, and the “client-friendly” department leadership takes pleasure in his discomfiture.
老師把整個學期的閲讀材料和堂上講義當作期末考範圍的日子是一去不復返了。在今日的高等學府，甚至把科題分成兩半，期中考只考六周的材料，剩下的一半在期末考裏考，也變成“苛求”。
學生會在六星期材料的迷宮中迷失，到了考試的時候不是給空洞無物的答案就是胡言亂語。在今日“對顧客友善”的氛圍裏，標准的做法是在考試前夕把二至四門複習題先發給班上，讓他們有“具體”的東西可依憑。
這樣一來，學生在整個學期只需出席幾次也能獲得高分。這對少數幾個認真而按時出席的學生來説極不公平。而對誠心誠意對待教育的老師來説則會感到在浪費生命。
我們的系裏有一個“老舊派”，他堅持過了時的、把課程全部當作考試範圍的“不友好”作風。結果，學生在考卷的藍本子上寫道：“我不知道你期待我們的是什麼，我複習了錯誤的題目”，然後憤怒地走出課堂。學生對他的評分總是最差的，而“對顧客友善”的系領導對他的狼狽則幸災樂禍。
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If the department chair admonishes you that your student-clients have the rights not to attend class, meanwhile the same chair would blame you for lack of leadership—i.e., the ability to “lead” the empty seats. What kind of signal are you receiving? You are being singled out to take an extra load of shit that, in fairness, should have been more evenly distributed among the rest of the department! Brace yourself for two possibilities: First, you are working in a dump; secondly, your institute treats you as a fool or, even better, a gullable foreigner (which some unscrupulous taxi-drivers would like to “have” at the airport arrival exit). Seek legal retaliation earlier on in the game, before the pile of shit reaches sky-height!
如果你的系主任一方面告誡你學生顧客有權不來上課，另一方面又責怪你領導無方——亦即是說：你缺乏“領導”空座位的能力。你得到是什麼訊息？你是被選中來挑超額的糞便，如果是公平的話，這些糞便該是由全系平均分攤的。你必須對兩種可能性作心理準備：第一，你工作的地方是一個垃圾堆；你的服務單位把你當作傻瓜，更妙的是，一個易受騙的外國人（類似某些缺德的計程車司機喜歡在機場出口處接的那種客人）。在糞便還未堆積如山之前，及早尋求從法律上的反擊之道。
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The “French Gigolo” Treatment: The French Gigolo’s approach to women is to treat a lady as a whore and a whore as a lady. It is an apt description of a pedagogical situation in which the authorities of the so-called “higher education” establishments respect the “rights” of the non-performing sector of the class as if they are the ones to set the standards, the rules, the attendance policy, and to determine the grading system, meanwhile instilling in teachers who are doing their job a constant anxiety that they are in the wrong.
This treatment tends to happen to persons of minority origins that do not fall within the protected, pampered, or privileged minority categories——namely, “foreigners”——with the belief that they are easier to bullshit and browbeat.
“法國舞男”的態勢：法國舞男對待女人的手法就是把一個淑女當妓女，把一個妓女當淑女。用此描述今日某類教學情況頗爲適切：即所謂“高等教育”學府當局尊重無表現的學生之“權利”，似乎是該由他們設定標準、規則、出席與否、以及打分制度，同時卻對執行任務的教師灌輸不安或疑慮感，縂認爲自己行差踏錯。
這種待遇傾向發生在少數民族的教師身上，而他們又不屬於被保護、姑息縱容、或有特權的那類少數民族範疇，換而言之，他們是被認爲容易扯淡和欺負的“外國人”。
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The Khmer Rouge Treatment:
The phrase pertains to a regime in Indochina at the end of the last millennium. It placed most of its subjects in concentration camps, where the cadres empowered the least educated, the most benighted, and the stupidest of kids to single out those adults to be executed: They were, as a rule, the ones that were most intellectual-looking.
In the context of contemporary American education, the expression alludes to a teacher being reprimanded by supervisors for his or her “teaching problems,” but in reality for not giving good grades to those non-performing students who then make the loudest complaints. Such “treatment” is not uncommon in low self-esteem institutions.
紅色高棉處決法：這個名詞涉及上一個千年末期中南半島的一個政權。它將其大部份屬民關進集中營，裏面的幹部授權給教育程度最低、最蒙昧、最愚蠢的兒童去挑選哪些成人該被處決：他們幾無例外是看起來像知識分子的人。
在當代美國教育的脈絡裏，這個名詞暗指一個教師因具“教學問題”而被上司訓斥，但實質上的原因是不給無表現的學生高分數，後者則吵翻天。這種“處決法”在缺乏自尊的學府中並不少見。
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In coaxing a teacher to do away with all standards in class, a department head went as far as saying that even he himself did not know the 5 continents of the globe and the 9 planets in the solar system (at that time, Pluto had not lost its status). In other words, the teacher was pressured to conduct college education as an orientation tour for extra-terrestrials.
Only 2 kinds of outcomes would result from this sort of talk. First, the teacher would deem the department leadership contemptible and the workplace a dump. Secondly, to forget about his contempt, he’d better acclimate himself to the general quality of the place and exert an effort to become as contemptible as the chair. For psychic survival short of quitting the job, the second option is recommended.
為了哄一位老師在課堂上把標準盡撤，一位系領導無所不用其極，甚至說連他本人也不知道地球五大洲和太陽系九大行星（當時冥王星還未被廢）。換而言之，該老師受到把大學教育當作外星人入境導覽來教的壓力。
這類談吐只會有兩種後果。其一是該老師會認為系領導可恥，而他的工作場所乃一個垃圾堆。其二是不存可恥之心，去適應該場所的普遍素質，並努力變得和系主任一般可恥。除了辭職之外，心理生存之術，非第二選項莫屬。
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Black White Yellow tricolor
Racism is so deeply-ingrained in the American consciousness, that you often find people trying to “remedy” the outcome of racism by another form of racism. A white department chair might tell his faculty member that we need to make special accommodations for black students, and warn that if you flunk them, they might sue you. If you happen to be of Asian origin, he might go on to insinuate that the “Asian” way of teaching is unsuitable for the local condition. The best way to counter this kind of bullshit is to allude that he might get sued by the yellow race first.
黑白黃三色旗
種族主義在美國人的意識中是如此根深蒂固，你會發現：他們對種族主義的後果 “補救” 之方往往是訴諸另一種種族主義。一位白人系主任會說該給黑人學生特殊待遇，並警告你如果把他們當掉，他們會告你。如果你是亞洲人出身，他會繼續暗示“亞洲式”教學法不適宜本地情況。對待這裡鬼扯蛋的良方是作出暗示他會先受到黃種人的控告。
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The Stepford Chair:
The term describes a department leadership who has the appearance of an intellectual being but actually has a “stupefaction” chip implanted in the brain.
A teacher informed the chair that his Japanese T.A. was astounded by the class assigned to him, for the entire class did not know where the current capital of Japan is. The chair rose valiantly in defence of ignorance: “Let’s see if he knows the capital of North Dakota!”
斯德福系主任：
這個名詞是用來形容一類系領導，貌似知識人，但實際上是大腦裡被殖了“蠢化”的蕊晶片。
一位老師告知他的系主任：一名日本助理有了自己教導的班，卻為全班不知道日本現代的首都在哪裡而吃驚。系主任則奮起保衛愚蠢：“讓我們看看他是否知道北德科達州的首府在哪裡？”
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When asked by a student in a class to clarify a point in your lecture, do not ramify into a plethora of knowledge, thinking that you are “enriching” the mind of the questioner. Only mete out what is required for him or her to pass the exam. Otherwise, you might get a bad comment in the student evaluation to the effect that “the teacher never answers straight to the point, he tends to babble.” If that student complains to the department head, you might get reprimanded for “meandering” in your lectures (even though that son-of-a-bitch does not know the subject you are teaching, has never watched your class in person, and yet gives you the bullshit).
In a nutshell, what is regarded as a plus in places like, say, the Center of Advanced Learning at PrincetonUniversity would turn out to be a minus in a low-self esteem institution.
在授課期間，當有學生請你澄清某一點時，不要借此旁徵博引，認爲這樣做是“豐富”發問者的學識。你只需按量地給他或她爲了通過考試而必須的那一點資訊便得。否則，你可能在學生評估老師的問卷中得到壞評，例如“該教師從不直接回答問題，他有嘮叨的傾向。”如果該生到系主任處投訴，你可能還會受到訓斥，說你有“無目的地講話”的傾向（縱使那個狗娘養的既不諳你教授的課程，也從無親臨你的課堂，而是信口雌黃）。
一言以蔽之，在普林斯頓的高等學術中心那類場所會被視爲優點者，到了一個缺乏自尊的學府裏則會變成一個缺點。
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In your lectures, avoid metaphors at all costs. A teacher who used “witch hunt” to describe McCarthyism later received an answer in the Final, to the effect that everybody knows that the Cold War began in Salem. A lecture on the Mongols in world history unwisely compared the Eurasian Steppes to an ocean and horses to vessels. The teacher ended up getting statements from students like the Mongols used their navy to attack Tibet. If the plain language narrative sacrifices poetry, just keep this in mind: Your clients do not attend classes for “art for art’s sake,” but “passing for passing’s sake,” and your employer agrees with them.
授課時，盡量避免引用隱喻。一位教師用了“狩捕女巫”一詞形容麥卡錫時代，結果在大考的申論題中獲得如下的答案：“眾所周知，冷戰始自撒冷。”[1]在一次有關蒙古人的授課中，教師很不智地將歐亞大草原比作海洋，把馬比喻作船隻。結果，在用填充卷上提供的名詞串成的句子裏，就出現“蒙古人用海軍攻打西藏”的選項。平鋪直敍的敍述肯定是沒有詩意的，但你心中該明白：你的客戶來上課，並非“為藝術而藝術”而是“爲了通過而通過”，校方的立場也與他們一致。
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In any class, the students can be classified into 5 categories:
(1) Lifers: Those who attend classes throughout the life of the course.
(2) Alternate Attendance: Named after the sankin-kotai in Tokugawa Japan, where vassals were expected to appear at the Shogun’s court only part of the year, but regularly. The profile fits those who systematically skip 2 or 3 classes in a row but attend every 3rd or 4th meeting.
(3) Accidental Tourist: Those whose attendance is irregular.
(4) Nowhere Man: See them only in the first 2 weeks, nowhere to be found afterward, yet stay registered.
(5) The Man Who Wasn’t There: Those who have never shown up once, but their names are still on the roster.
任何班上的學生都可以分爲五大類：
（1） 服終生徒刑者：那些在與科程相終始，每一堂都出席。
（2） 參勤交代：從德川時代日本的一種制度得名。在該時代，附庸們每年有一段規定的時間列席于幕府大將軍的朝廷。這個形象頗適合那些連曠二至三節課，但每第三第四節課則出席的學生
（3） 意外闖入的觀光客[1]：那些出席率不規則的學生。
（4） 不知身在何處的人：你只在開學頭兩周見到他們，以後就不知所終。
（5） 從不曾存在過的人：他們從來就不曾出現過，但選課名單上則具名。
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The “Scratch File” Approach: For required courses with a captive audience, a sensible way to conduct it is to teach the quiz instead of the subject. To minimize confusion and uncertainty, each quiz should be based on a single lecture. Space the two no more than a week apart and announce to the class at the beginning of this set-up: “If you want to travel light in life and return everything to the teacher three months after the course ended, it is beyond my control, but in its duration, please download the subject into your short-term memory for the span of a week.”
“限時自動刪除的電腦檔”措施：對待必修課裏被強制來聽課的聽衆，一個切合實際的教學法就是不直接教授學科，而是教授測驗的内容。爲了免除學生心中產生混淆和疑慮不安，每一則小型測驗以一次授課的内容為本。授課和測驗之間相隔不應超出一個星期，並且在這個安排之始就對全班公佈：“如果你想輕裝簡從地過一生，在課修完了三個月後就把一切都還給老師，這不是我能掌控的，但至少在修課期間，請將授課内容裝載入一周後自動刪除的短期記憶檔中。”
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Safety Valves: If you use a roll-call system or quiz set-up (e.g., a quiz at the beginning of every meeting and hand back the graded quiz at the end of the following meeting) to enforce class attendance by catching students at both ends of the session, make sure to get a classroom with a backdoor, so that they may sneak out in-between.
Without this safety valve, the second best option is to petition the administration to install a candy-bar vending machine inside that classroom, and re-christen it either “pedagogic aid” or “pain-reliever.”
“安全活門”：如果你在班上用點名或用測驗制度迫使學生必須在一頭一尾在場（例如：在每堂課之首給與小型測驗，然後把批改過的測驗在下一堂之尾發還），你必須申請到一個有後門的教室，讓有些人在中間時段能溜出去。
無法獲得這道“安全活門”的話，退而求其次的選擇則是向校方請願：在教室之内安裝販賣糖果的機器，並將這部機器重新命名為“教學輔導”或“止痛劑”。
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The day is long overdue when all subjects are to be taught at the college level by using the For Dummies or Complete Idiot’s Guide series as the sole textbooks.
Nevertheless, the Hamletic question remains: To read or not to read？
早該把所有大學課程的教科書全部改採《笨蛋叢書》和《十足白癡指南》系列了。
然而，那個漢姆雷特的問題仍然存在：讀還是不讀？
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The Junior Communicator, who is our national leader, should serve as a model for teachers in the lecture halls of our higher-education institutions. In his speeches, he only employs simple sentences, rather limited sound bits, and few vocabularies. A southern accent is also highly recommendable in helping to avoid the appearance of intellectual snobbery in your communication to the class.
我們國家的領袖“小訊息轉達者”[1]，足以成爲我們高等學府的教師在課堂上的楷模。他的演説中只用簡單的句子、數量有限的音節，並少用生詞。在向你班上傳達之時，本手冊亦高度推薦用南方口音，以避有知識者勢佬之嫌。
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The following is a questionnaire survey conducted by an American education research institution in 2000:
Which law or theory describes best the state of mind of the generation entering college at the beginning of the new millennium?
__ Blackhole (astrophysics)
__ Chaos (physics)
__ Dependency theory (economics)
__ Disengagement (psychology)
__ Disinterestedness (aesthetics)
__ Entropy (physics)
__ Inertia (physics)
__ Principle of Disuse (psychology)
__ Steven Hawkings’s conjecture that 1/4 of the universe is made of blackholes (astrophysics)
__ The new discovery that “nature does not abhor vacuum” (alternative physics)
下列是一份由一所美國教育研究機構在2000年發出的調查問卷：
哪一種定律或理論能最適切地形容在新千年之初升入大學的一代？
____黑洞（天體物理學）
____混沌（物理學）
____依賴論（經濟學說）
____不參與原理（心理學）
____不感興趣原理（美學）
____能趨疲（物理學）
____惰性（物理學）
____不用原理（心理學）
____史提芬霍金斯認爲宇宙的四分之一是由黑洞組成的推測（天體物理學）
____“自然界不畏懼真空狀態”的新發現（另類物理學）
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Dr. Sun’s Makeup Exams Policy: You need a reason.
Reasons pre-approved O &
Reasons unacceptable X
X My grandmother died
O My grandfather died[1]
X My dog died
O My cat died (Dr. Sun is a cat-person)
O I had a “miscarriage”
X My girlfriend had an abortion
O I am a victim of child-abuse
X I have already reserved a ticket for a pleasure cruise
O My uncle has been murdered by my aunt (only if documented by newspaper clippings)
X Any excuses that are disingenuous and unoriginal.
孫博士的補考政策：你必須有一個理由。
預先批准的理由O
不予接受的理由X
X我的祖母或外婆去世了
O我的祖父或外公去世了[2]
X我的狗死了
O我的貓死了（孫博士是親貓派）
O我“流產”了
X我的女朋友作了一次墮胎
O我是童年受虐的受害者
X我已經預訂了娛樂性巡航
O我的叔叔被嬸嬸謀殺了（必須以剪報爲憑）
X任何貌似坦率和缺乏想象力的藉口
[1] In case you are in a composite family, you can only use one set of grandfathers，i.e., one paternal and one maternal each per semester, unless all your relatives were on the same airplane that had fallen victims to terrorists (even this “full house” will be wasted on obtaining one absence only, but you are allowed to argue that the grief period will be protracted through all the exams).
[2] 如果你有一個合成性家庭，每學期你也只准限用一個祖父和一個外公， 除非你所有的親戚都在同一部飛機上被恐怖分子所害（即使罹如此“滅門之災”，也會浪費在缺席一次考試的藉口之上，但你可以用此來辯稱悲働期延伸至整個學期的所有考試上頭。）
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The quarter and semester system, invented in the nineteenth century, is an anachronism in an age when attention deficit disorder has become a national epidemic. The educational system is also prone to dysfunction if it goes against general social practices. Nowadays, commitment to relationships seldom lasts for ten to thirteen weeks. Therefore, if a student only finishes 1/3 or 2/3 of a three credit course, he or she should be rewarded one and two credits respectively.
學期制度是十九世紀的產物，在“注意力集中短缺症”成爲國民通病的今日，已屬過時。教育制度如果和一般的社會習慣相左，其功能也會報廢。今日，人際關係的承諾也少有維持十至十三個星期者。因此，如果在一門三個學分的課程裏，學生只完成了三分之一或三分之二，他就該獲得一個或兩個學分。
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The Cartesian concept of the knowing mind as Cognito is now obsolete. We are in the age of biomedical engineering.
In the same manner as the university administration passing out free condoms to the student body to prevent unwanted pregnancy, it should also pass out free steroid to students during exam times and free prosaic to teachers in the grading period.
笛卡爾將人當作一個“認知心靈”的時代已成明日黃花。今日是生化藥物工程的時代。
大學當局既然免費派發避孕套，以防止女生意外懷孕，它也該在考試期間派發類固醇給學生、在閱卷期間則派發抗憂鬱劑給老師。
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What if you are assigned a class with “learning disability”? Have yourself certified for “teaching disability,” meanwhile retaining the right to “equal opportunity” and other fringe benefits.
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